I just wanted to be sure
by CharlieWise
Summary: SPOILERS for episode 407! The real pain doesn't really leave until you're willing to let the bad memories go, believe in the good ones and are ready to be open to start new ones with someone else.


**A/N: as much as I want to, I'm not the brilliant person that made NCIS happen. NCIS and all characters and references belongs to its respected owners. The rest is mine though;)**

Ziva's mind like so many times before in the past few days returned to her and Tony's goodbye. It was on the front of her mind the whole flight back to Tel Aviv, the days there were filled with preparations for her fathers burial, but her nights were filled with thoughts of Tony. When her eyes closed trying to not let the tears fall she remembered his smile. While she lay in her bed not being able to sleep she remembered how he hold her during their hug. When her father's casket was lowered in the ground and when tears escaped her she thought of the whispered words he spoke.

_´at lo levad'_

She knew, that was what she had told him that. She just couldn't help feeling alone these last few days. Being in her father's house together with some of her aunts and one of her uncles, her great aunt and some of her family for Shiva had not helped the feeling. For her it has just put more emphasis on the fact that she did not have her family anymore only extended family. Shmeil had stayed by her side through it all. She wasn't sure if she would have gotten through the past few days without him. Tears threatened to spill again as the lonely and cold feeling crawled around her heart again.

"Are you okay?"

Ziva's head snapped up to the young woman that had been sitting next to her on the plane for the past nine and a half hours. The young woman could not have been older than 25 and Ziva could clearly hear the American accent when she had said shalom when she sat down next to her those nine and a half hours ago. Ziva quickly pulled up her brave face and smiled softly at the woman. "I am fine, just lost in thought."

The woman smiled knowingly. "Left someone behind?"

"In a way." Ziva responded and turned her head away to look back out the window.

"Okay so why are you going to DC?" The woman asked and Ziva let go of a soft sigh, the woman clearly had enough of the nine and a half hours of silence. Of which the woman had mostly spent asleep.

"I am going home." Said turning back to the woman who clearly looked surprised.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought because of your accent that you know." The woman responded flustered.

"Do not worry about it." Ziva responded hoping that would be the end of the conversation, but clearly the other woman had other ideas.

"So what were you lost in thought about if it was not someone you left behind."

"Look, I'm sorry but I do not know you." Ziva responded politely. Not feeling the need to spill her complicated feelings about her father's death and the care and support she got from her partner.

"Oh yes, I'm sorry. Force of habit I guess. Dr June Wagner." She said holding her hand out.

"Ziva David." Ziva responded shaking the woman's hand, then in the hope to turn the conversation around she added. "So why were you in Tel Aviv?"

The good doctor immediately started to tell her about her research between children in Tel Aviv and in Washington DC. After years of practice with Tony, Ziva pretended to listen while her thoughts returned to Tony and their goodbye and she couldn't help but wonder how their reunion would be. They had parted hugging, but the next time she saw him would probably be tomorrow at NCIS headquarters. He would probably just greet her and maybe ask if she was okay. With their new us he would try to talk to her when they were alone. Ziva realized that she really did want to talk to him. She had pushed him away before and he hadn't backed down. She hadn't really expected him to stop, but she had not expected him to be so serious about it. Even when she let him in just before getting on the plane he had surprised her. Shmeil had looked at her when she got on the plane; she still had some tears in her eyes.

"_Are you alright my dear?" Shmeil asked her._

"_Yes, I am fine." Ziva responded._

"_What did mister Dinotzo say?" Shmeil prodded._

"_At lo levad" Ziva smiled softly while looking in the bag Tony had brought with him, seeing all her favorite magazines, hoping Shmeil would let her gather her thoughts for a moment. No such luck._

"_He has been a quick study I guess." Shmeil responded before opening his own book and started reading._

_That snapped Ziva to attention. "What do you mean? A quick study?"_

_Shmeil looked up from his book, Ziva was looking at him eyes big with curiosity._

"_Well after our last meeting with mister Dinotzo, he gave me a call asking if I could teach him Hebrew, but I've not thought him those words. That's all him." _

"_Tony is studying Hebrew?" Ziva asked at to which Shmeil nodded. "Why?"_

"_Well dear if I had to guess I would say for you." Shmeil said turning back to his book again._

_Ziva had wanted to respond but she had no idea how. She had known Tony spook some Hebrew; he had spoken Hebrew to her four years ago. She had figured he had just looked it up on the Internet, but now, she didn't know what to make of it._

He had stepped up, she figured. He had put in an effort to communicate with her on yet another level. Had put into an effort to understand her better. Time and time again he did this for her and maybe she was ready to put in the same effort for him and let him in even more.

"So it was funny that in the end nothing matched with my hypotheses." Dr Wagner said overly excited.

"That is interesting." Ziva responded trying to pull her focus to the woman sitting next to her instead of Tony. With one last conscious decision to put an even bigger effort into her relationship with Tony she truly turned her focus to the woman next to her.

"I guess that our cultures are extremely different but there are also lots of similarities." Ziva responded.

"Yes, but most people don't take the time to search for those similarities. Children do though. They have such beautiful input it's amazing." June said and Ziva nodded.

"I guess that's why I love children psychology so much, they can truly surprise you. Do you have children Ziva?" June asked.

A flash of Tony holding the picture of her in her pregnancy outfit went through her mind before it turning to her father holding the same picture in his hand and it hit her that her father would never see her marry or have children. He would never be a grandfather and her eyes started to prickle with tears again. "No." She said trying to smile through it.

"Oh, you want children?" June asked smiling.

"One day, yes." Ziva responed. "What about you?"

"Well my boyfriend and I have been talking about it, but we both wanted to finish our education first. Since this research is going to be my doctorate paper, I think the waiting is almost over." June said happily.

"Ah that is nice." Ziva said smiling.

"What about you Ziva, do you have any one in your life."

Tony came to mind. She couldn't help it. _At lo levad. _She was not alone, she had someone in her life, but not like June was asking her. "No."

"You have no one in your life?" She asked sweetly.

This woman will be a great psychologist she figured. She had the piercing look that would feel like she is looking right in your soul, but she still made you feel safe and welcome. "It's complicated."

"Safe answer." She responded.

This irritated Ziva, it was no safe answer. It was the truth. What she had with Tony was complicated. Just because this 24 year old did not understand what kind of bond it creates saving each others life's and working on a high stressed job for eight years together. Ziva was about to speak her mind when June spook again.

"No is a easy answer, it's complicated is a safe answer, yes is the right answer, to explain is the courage's answer."

"There are people who are truly alone on this world." Ziva responded.

"There are people who truly feel alone on this world. They are not. The problem is that the people around them don't show them how special and treasured they are in this world. You are none of the people I just mentioned though. So what is it going to be, easy, safe, right or courage's?"

"You would be a very good shrink." Ziva said deciding she quite liked the maybe somewhat naïf woman sitting next to her.

"I hope so." June responed and Ziva thought carefully about her next words.

"I've a work partner. Who is in my life." She said softly.

**A/N: I've an idea as to how I want to continue this, are people interested yes or no?**


End file.
